OMG! REALITY TV SHOW IN THE WHITE HOUSE
by David "Cat" Cohen
Now that health care has passed, open warfare has been declared in this polarized country of ours. The Republican legislators who have tried to block this imperfect but, in my opinion much needed legislation, are waging war on Democrats vowing D-day in November. The Tea Party is taking on the Coffee Party in a battle of beverage politics. Kill the bill is being accompanied by calls and a few actions for more slaughter, some of it unfortunately violent on both sides of the ledger, although no one can tell if the perpetrators are protestors or pretending to be from the opposite side. And Sarah Palin will star in her own reality show.
I can see it now. Reality TV will become a precedent to running for president. In my nightmare scenario, I picture a reality TV show cast in a Palin White House administration. It goes like this.
The opening segment shows her proclaiming a wave of executive orders such as open season for shooting moose and Democrats alike. Then it will become legal to go after abortion doctors in the same manner. When she makes Glenn Beck her chief of staff they will assemble a cabinet of fellow reality show performers and wannabes. Here is a list Senate will have to weigh for confirmation..
Secretary of State – the Salahis who know how to dress for state dinners
Secretary of Defense – Erik Prince of Blackwater who will defend our country from enemies, especially from the Muslims and liberals within
Secretary of Homeland Security – Jim Gilchrist of the Minuteman who truly knows how to guard our borders
Secretary of Health and Human Services – Dr. Conrad Murray, who knows how to mix his his propofol as well as his protocol
Secretary of Education – Martha Stewart, who will work on teaching America domestic issues
Secretary of Commerce –Donald Trump who will fire all of the holdovers from the previous administration
Secretary of the Treasury – Bernie Madoff, who will ponzi scheme the national debt
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – Kate Goslin, who knows how to get families ready for breakfast
Secretary of Transportation – Richard Heeny, father of the Balloon Boy, who knows how to manipulate the airways as well as the media
Secretary of Agriculture– Paris Hilton, whose Arkansas farm show days will come in handy
Secretary of Labor –who better than Nadia Suliman the Octomom with all her labor experience?
National Security Advisor – Simon Cowell of American Idol, who has mastered the art of saying no
Secretary of the Interior - Sacha Baron Cohen, who has his middle finger up the interior of America
Attorney General – Duane “Dog” Chapman, the Bounty Hunter, who gets his man (or woman) in the end
Ambassador to the U.N. – Todd Palin, who like Sarah can see Russia from the window of their home in Wasilla
Surgeon General – the Osbournes, who know a thing or two about meds
Head of the CIA – Kim Khardashian whose intelligence is beyond question and she needs to be put to work somewhere anyway
Secretary of Energy – George W. Bush, who will come out of retirement to advocate against global warming
All aspiring politicians and civil servants will be required to have had their own reality show for at least six months and have made appearances on Saturday Night Live, Oprah and Larry King Live. With all this media experience behind them, we in the televised world will be able to rest assured that we are in good hands. The main qualification to lead this country will be set. No more academic elitism in office and no more students of history running our government. Tunnel vision will be the order of the day and the dumbing down of America will be complete.
← Back to Blog